Source

“All right… I’m glad it’s a girl. I hope she’ll be a fool–that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool… You see, I think everything’s terrible anyhow… And I know. I’ve been everywhere and seen everything and done everything.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Sometimes I hate Daisy.  The entire story of The Great Gatsby is basically all her fault.  I hate that she embodies some of the worst stereotypes society has about women: she is just a pretty face, she cannot take responsibility for her own life without the help of men, she is completely superficial. Throughout the course of the story we find out how thoroughly selfish she is- she uses people as entertaining diversions! She faces a hot day, a friend, a party, and her child with the exact same ennui. She is a careless driver.  Sometimes I hate Daisy.

Sometimes I hate F. Scott Fitzgerald and the male writers behind each Gatsby movie.  I watch and I wonder- is this what men really think of women?  When they write a sweeping epic novel or movie, the female character they come up with is Daisy Buchanan? I wonder if they think that that is what females are like- dressed to the nines, using the money of men, full of clever words and tricks, devoid of compassion and any sense of responsibility. Sometimes I hate the men who wrote the character of Daisy.

But sometimes I love Daisy. I wish we could sit down and have tea.  Because just as Gatsby, Tom, and Myrtle are representative of larger societal criticisms, I see that everything that Daisy represents is not a critique of women, but of a patriarchal society.  Daisy has no power in her own life. Daisy is not meant to represent the best of women, but what happens when women feel they have no other means of survival than to become a beautiful little fool.

Does anyone but me read the line about becoming a beautiful little fool and understand exactly what Daisy means, that if only we were fools the world would be so much easier to live in?  The story would be so much harder for Daisy if she decided not to play the beautiful little fool.  If she were not a beautiful little fool, Daisy would have to face up to a hit and run, her part in Gatsby’s death, her infidelity, and her choice to marry a man for his old money!  There would be legal, financial, emotional, and spiritual consequences.  Instead, as a beautiful little fool, she runs away from the end of the story.

Deciding to take charge of your own life is the hardest possible way to go.  And yet if we were to sit down and have tea- hopefully wearing some of Daisy’s amazing dresses- I would tell you that it’s worth it.

I would agree that it might feel great to have as many men as possible fall in love you, but I would remind you that love like that is an illusion and a loss of power.

I would agree that it’s terrifying to accept the consequences for mistakes, but it is freeing knowing that you have no secrets to fear.

I would tell you that it is hard to be assertive about your decisions and your identity, but it’s wonderful to find that you have valuable opinions and a unique personhood.

I would tell you that although working on relationships with those around you can be painfully difficult, it is worth the deep and lasting love and trust that results.

And I would tell you that although it’s rough going to take the hardest road, it is worth it to get to see the end of the story.

Do you resonate with Daisy’s quote? What are some ways that we can fight the urge to become beautiful little fools?

You can read my review of the movie, and a style post, here.

In my opinion, The Great Gatsby did the latter! As someone who has re-read the book many times, I heard all of my favorite lines and saw all of my favorite scenes.  For the most part, the movie stuck to the book.  The parts that deviated from F. Scott Fitzgerald were my least favorite.

(SPOILER-ISH)

For example, the whole frame story of Nick in a sanitorium writing his memories added nothing for me.  I also thought that is was really cliche to have some of the best lines literally displayed on the screen as text.  Like I said, I was definitely on the lookout for my favorite lines.  But I wanted to hear them coming from the mouths of my favorite characters in the moment, not displayed typed on a typewriter and displayed on screen- it took away all the subtlety and beauty whenever they did that!  Did anyone else like the text on the screen? Was it just me?

 

I can’t wait to hear your take on the movie!

Source

Source

Last week I talked about Cooley’s Looking Glass self, and how I don’t want to use other people as if they are mirrors in order to figure out what I look like. Although intellectually it makes perfect sense not to care about other’s opinions, it’s not an easy thing to do! I have a few little tricks that I practice in order to remind myself that I do not determine my value based on others’ opinions.

Do you know what one of these first tricks is for me? Learning how to be assertive.  If you can’t assert your opinions about little things, you’ll never learn how to assert your opinion about the big things- like your own body image!  Here are a few of the ways that I practice being assertive.

1. Stop apologizing all the time! Knowing how to apologize is a very  important skill.  We all mess up sometimes and make mistakes, and it’s important to  be able to acknowledge that with a genuine apology!  But there are some things we don’t need to apologize for– things like someone else bumping into us, or an opinion that other people disagree with.  Things like when someone snaps for an unfair reason.  Save your sorrys so that they are special and mean something! (This one is harder than it sounds- pay attention to how many times you apologize when you shouldn’t, it will surprise you!)

2. Don’t thank someone unless you mean it. When I went to school in Chicago, I once had a man follow my friends and I down the street trying to get our phone numbers.  I was extremely uncomfortable and wanted him to leave me alone, but all I could say was, “No, thank you!” Um, we don’t need to say “No, thank you,” when someone makes us uncomfortable- what are we thanking them for?  We don’t need to thank someone at the end of a conversation for firing us, for breaking up with us, for hurting us.  Use your assertiveness to accurately communicate how you feel.

3. Stop using qualifiers.  This one is so hard for me! Qualifiers are phrases that we use when we speak and when we write that show our insecurity.  Here are a few examples: “This is probably wrong, but…” “This might be completely off-topic, but…” “This is kind of a stupid question, but…”  These little phrases are particularly hard for girls to let go of when they are communicating.  I notice when I am in class that every time I raise my hand I have to bite my tongue in an effort to not preface my comments with a qualifier!

Alright, now you have three ways to start practicing being more assertive! Do these show up most often on your blog or in your verbal communication? Which one do you think will be the hardest for you? 

Powered by Linky Tools

Click here to enter your link and view this Linky Tools list…

I bet we have the perfect gift for that special someone. Head on over to our shop!